I was 10 minutes late to work this morning...which is not what I'm bragging about. That's actually really bad because my supervisor has recently warned me that I really need to work on being on time. But this morning Riley threw his breakfast on the floor. Then I dropped a plate, which spilled even more breakfast on the floor and broke the plate. Then I had to take a weird long route to my babysitter's house because of construction. Blah.
However, if I'd have gotten my butt in gear earlier and been organized, all of that might not have been a big deal.
So, here's the brag: tonight when I got home from work I cuddled with Riley, read him a story, and put him in bed. Then I did dishes, swept the floor, wiped down counter tops, gathered garbage and convinced my dad to take it out, started a load of laundry, made lunch and breakfast for me to grab on the way out the door tomorrow, picked up all of Riley's toys and other junk in the main room, and set aside clothes for both of us for tomorrow.
And now I'm going to go to bed because that was freaking exhausting.
Amanda, Idaho, 26
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
The Most Important Thing
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own life and drama that I forget to be a good mom. I forget to make my son the center of my life. Lately I've been so wrapped up in my own pain that I've been trying to shut out the whole world, including my sweet happy baby boy who just wants all of Mommy's attention. My mom sat down and had a talk with me yesterday, and since then I've felt better and tried to focus on Riley, but I know I haven't been the best mom lately.
About a week ago I Facebook friended a girl who I use to work with, and who is coming back to work next week. I knew she had taken some time off when she had her baby, and that she was going to be giving birth in Portland at a special hospital due to complications. What I didn't know (until today when I was looking at her page) was that her sweet little boy died a month ago today, at just 3 months old. It breaks my heart. Mostly for her and her loss, but also because I have a happy healthy baby boy, and I take that for granted. Riley is the most important, the most precious thing in my life. I need to be a so much better mom.
And I need to go pick him up and give him a kiss.
About a week ago I Facebook friended a girl who I use to work with, and who is coming back to work next week. I knew she had taken some time off when she had her baby, and that she was going to be giving birth in Portland at a special hospital due to complications. What I didn't know (until today when I was looking at her page) was that her sweet little boy died a month ago today, at just 3 months old. It breaks my heart. Mostly for her and her loss, but also because I have a happy healthy baby boy, and I take that for granted. Riley is the most important, the most precious thing in my life. I need to be a so much better mom.
And I need to go pick him up and give him a kiss.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
You Know You're a Single Mom When...
...you have to change right before a date because you just got puked on.
...you look at that last statement and wonder "Date? What the hell is a date?"
...you absolutely loathe getting stood up because it took forever to get yourself ready to go, baby fed and cleaned up and ready for bed, babysitter lined up, and house semi clean so as not to scare the babysitter, all just to be cancelled!
...after working 11 hours, you get to come home to a baby with a fever and poopy pants.
...you hear other moms talk about how hard it was when their husband went out of town for the weekend and you just kinda laugh silently to yourself.
...your kid has the worst haircut on the block because you tried to do it yourself to save money.
...you can't get your own hair cut because who will watch your child?
...the word vacation has no meaning to you whatsoever.
...in new situations, you tend to ask yourself "Well, what would Lorelai do?"
...your kid thinks everybody lives with their grandma and grandpa.
...you put off your own doctor appointments because your kid is always at the doctor.
...you don't eat dinner until 9pm when baby is put to bed and you've washed and prepared his bottles for the next day.
...or if you to eat dinner at all, half ends up in your child's belly... because even if you're both having the same thing it's better off of Mommy's plate.
...you haven't shaved your legs in a week, month, etc...because you either don't have time or you're too damn tired!
...but it's ok because no one's going to see/feel them anyway
...you notice your DVR is filled with your favorite shows because there is only time for what your kids watch...but you still never watch those shows.
your DVD player has one DVD in it at all times, and that DVD is Dora the Explorer.
...you don't care about any of this because your child is your world.
...you look at that last statement and wonder "Date? What the hell is a date?"
...you absolutely loathe getting stood up because it took forever to get yourself ready to go, baby fed and cleaned up and ready for bed, babysitter lined up, and house semi clean so as not to scare the babysitter, all just to be cancelled!
...after working 11 hours, you get to come home to a baby with a fever and poopy pants.
...you hear other moms talk about how hard it was when their husband went out of town for the weekend and you just kinda laugh silently to yourself.
...your kid has the worst haircut on the block because you tried to do it yourself to save money.
...you can't get your own hair cut because who will watch your child?
...the word vacation has no meaning to you whatsoever.
...in new situations, you tend to ask yourself "Well, what would Lorelai do?"
...your kid thinks everybody lives with their grandma and grandpa.
...you put off your own doctor appointments because your kid is always at the doctor.
...you don't eat dinner until 9pm when baby is put to bed and you've washed and prepared his bottles for the next day.
...or if you to eat dinner at all, half ends up in your child's belly... because even if you're both having the same thing it's better off of Mommy's plate.
...you haven't shaved your legs in a week, month, etc...because you either don't have time or you're too damn tired!
...but it's ok because no one's going to see/feel them anyway
...you notice your DVR is filled with your favorite shows because there is only time for what your kids watch...but you still never watch those shows.
your DVD player has one DVD in it at all times, and that DVD is Dora the Explorer.
...you don't care about any of this because your child is your world.
Monday, May 3, 2010
The Happy Dance
Last night I stayed up until midnight putting away laundry. I was so proud of myself for getting this done, and was looking forward to finally going to bed…when Riley woke up. Crying.
My dad happened to still be up and volunteered to take Riley for a minute so I could get ready for bed (cue Hallelujah chorus). By the time I was back, though, Riley still was not happy. I stayed up with him for an hour, rocking, singing lullabies, feeding, and soothing him. And Riley was still not happy. His big thing these days is shouting. Problem is, I have no way of knowing that MUUUUUUGHHHHH meant “Hi, mommy, would you mind changing my diaper? It’s wet and uncomfortable.” So it took me an hour to figure it out. (You’d think I would have figured out a basic like diaper changing a lot sooner than that, but he rarely needs a middle of the night change, so I didn’t think of it.)
So, instantly after I changed the diaper Riley became his normal happy and smiling self. And he started…dancing. Yes, dancing. And giggling. But by this time it was 1:30 in the morning so rather than join him, I put him in his crib (he didn’t even protest!) and we both went to sleep.
All of this points to a need to be able to communicate. I wish I knew what he was thinking or trying to do even just half the time. After a similar shouting incident in Costco last week (yes, I was that mom, the one with a screaming child in the grocery store) I decided to start teaching Riley sign language. Mealtime is when he is the most anxious, so I’m teaching him “more,” “drink,” and “all done.” So far it doesn’t seem like a lot of progress because he’s still shouting and the one or two times he did the signs I’m not sure if he knew what it meant or if he was just copying me. But here’s to hoping we’ll have a communication breakthrough sometime soon.
Of course, before I can teach it to Riley, I still have to learn sign language for “diaper change.”
My dad happened to still be up and volunteered to take Riley for a minute so I could get ready for bed (cue Hallelujah chorus). By the time I was back, though, Riley still was not happy. I stayed up with him for an hour, rocking, singing lullabies, feeding, and soothing him. And Riley was still not happy. His big thing these days is shouting. Problem is, I have no way of knowing that MUUUUUUGHHHHH meant “Hi, mommy, would you mind changing my diaper? It’s wet and uncomfortable.” So it took me an hour to figure it out. (You’d think I would have figured out a basic like diaper changing a lot sooner than that, but he rarely needs a middle of the night change, so I didn’t think of it.)
So, instantly after I changed the diaper Riley became his normal happy and smiling self. And he started…dancing. Yes, dancing. And giggling. But by this time it was 1:30 in the morning so rather than join him, I put him in his crib (he didn’t even protest!) and we both went to sleep.
All of this points to a need to be able to communicate. I wish I knew what he was thinking or trying to do even just half the time. After a similar shouting incident in Costco last week (yes, I was that mom, the one with a screaming child in the grocery store) I decided to start teaching Riley sign language. Mealtime is when he is the most anxious, so I’m teaching him “more,” “drink,” and “all done.” So far it doesn’t seem like a lot of progress because he’s still shouting and the one or two times he did the signs I’m not sure if he knew what it meant or if he was just copying me. But here’s to hoping we’ll have a communication breakthrough sometime soon.
Of course, before I can teach it to Riley, I still have to learn sign language for “diaper change.”
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Lean On Me
Pregnancy is often a happy and exciting time in a woman’s life, but like any life-changing event, it can also be scary and sometimes even overwhelming. It’s important to have a support system – someone (or someones) to talk to about fears and hopes, to help Mom cope with all the physical and emotional changes.
First of all, be sure to share your concerns with your doctor or midwife. He or she will want to be aware of your situation in order to be sensitive to your needs.
Then, find someone in your personal life that you can lean on – someone to share your excitement and your worries. Sometimes this mean being reaching outside your comfort zone. Sometimes it requires some creative thinking. But many single moms have made it through their pregnancies -- even enjoyed it! -- by reaching out to others for the emotional support they need:
My mom is the biggest support ever.
Marina
My mom has absolutely been my biggest supporter. She had a hard time when I first told her i was pregnant, but she loves me and loves my son and would do anything for us. She wants her grandson to be happy and healthy and definitely loves spending time with him. She's also there for me any time I need to talk.
Amanda
My Mom has been a huge support - she is so in love with her granddaughter already :) My best friend has also been there for me - went to birthing class with me, and is so excited to be an 'auntie' They both have sat with me as I cry uncontrollably, as well as when I am on cloud 9 shopping for cute little outfits. I feel so fortunate to have both of these women in our lives.
Melissa
My mom has been my biggest support, definitely! And my dad too, he loves my son so so so so much it is crazy!
Liz
My greatest help is from my older daughter! When I need help she is here. When I'm sad she cheers me up. I don't have family close to where I live so I take what I can get from my 10-year-old.
Lisa
I have to say my mother has been my biggest support but my friends and sister have been great as well. My mom is going to come live with me for a year to help me with the baby when she is born so I don't have to worry about putting my 8 week old in day care. I love her so much. She is shutting down her busy life to take care of her girls. My mom has been waiting for a grandchild for 40 years so she is over the moon. Moms are the greatest gift God ever gave anyone... I hope to be the same kind of gift to my daughter.
Carol
When I was pregnant it was my friends who supported me most. Now that he is here it would be my family & those same friends.
Corie
My parents have been my biggest support. They are both great.
Christina
First of all, be sure to share your concerns with your doctor or midwife. He or she will want to be aware of your situation in order to be sensitive to your needs.
Then, find someone in your personal life that you can lean on – someone to share your excitement and your worries. Sometimes this mean being reaching outside your comfort zone. Sometimes it requires some creative thinking. But many single moms have made it through their pregnancies -- even enjoyed it! -- by reaching out to others for the emotional support they need:
My mom is the biggest support ever.
Marina
My mom has absolutely been my biggest supporter. She had a hard time when I first told her i was pregnant, but she loves me and loves my son and would do anything for us. She wants her grandson to be happy and healthy and definitely loves spending time with him. She's also there for me any time I need to talk.
Amanda
My Mom has been a huge support - she is so in love with her granddaughter already :) My best friend has also been there for me - went to birthing class with me, and is so excited to be an 'auntie' They both have sat with me as I cry uncontrollably, as well as when I am on cloud 9 shopping for cute little outfits. I feel so fortunate to have both of these women in our lives.
Melissa
My mom has been my biggest support, definitely! And my dad too, he loves my son so so so so much it is crazy!
Liz
My greatest help is from my older daughter! When I need help she is here. When I'm sad she cheers me up. I don't have family close to where I live so I take what I can get from my 10-year-old.
Lisa
I have to say my mother has been my biggest support but my friends and sister have been great as well. My mom is going to come live with me for a year to help me with the baby when she is born so I don't have to worry about putting my 8 week old in day care. I love her so much. She is shutting down her busy life to take care of her girls. My mom has been waiting for a grandchild for 40 years so she is over the moon. Moms are the greatest gift God ever gave anyone... I hope to be the same kind of gift to my daughter.
Carol
When I was pregnant it was my friends who supported me most. Now that he is here it would be my family & those same friends.
Corie
My parents have been my biggest support. They are both great.
Christina
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
It's Still New In The Year
I texted Baby Daddy to see why he hadn't been in contact. His attitude said "Give me a break." His words said "It's still new in the year."
It's March. What are you waiting for exactly?
I give up. Screw what other people think. Screw other people thinking that I need to make sure that he sees his son and that Micah knows who his Dad is. I know who fathered my child and Micah will know when he asks. I'm through making all the effort with someone who doesn't truly want to see his kid. If he wanted to see Micah he would have been here. If he wanted to really be involved he wouldn't have moved out of state.
Here is your son. You're the one missing out. Keep telling yourself its still early in the year. Next time you say that your son will be getting married or celebrating his 40th birthday. You still got time? Screw you.
Carrie, Alabama
It's March. What are you waiting for exactly?
I give up. Screw what other people think. Screw other people thinking that I need to make sure that he sees his son and that Micah knows who his Dad is. I know who fathered my child and Micah will know when he asks. I'm through making all the effort with someone who doesn't truly want to see his kid. If he wanted to see Micah he would have been here. If he wanted to really be involved he wouldn't have moved out of state.
Here is your son. You're the one missing out. Keep telling yourself its still early in the year. Next time you say that your son will be getting married or celebrating his 40th birthday. You still got time? Screw you.
Carrie, Alabama
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
How Did You Cope?
So how do you cope with being pregnant and having a broken heart at the same time? Single moms share their secrets:
Be strong! He ran off being scared? Forget him! You can do this!
Avoid worrying about your ex. It's not worth it when it comes to the health of your child and your pregnancy.
Talk to your friends
Get involved in some fun activities or hobbies
Online support groups
Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathons
My mom (once we both decided to stop being stubborn)
Throwing my heart and soul into my job
Pickles
Focusing on the baby and how much I loved him
Increasing my spirituality
Relaxation tracks downloaded onto my iPod (This really helped me settle my brain at night so I could get some sleep.)
Ice cream. Lots of it.
Popcorn doesn't hurt either
Spending time with friends and loved ones
Surround yourself with people you love and who love you and do things that make you happy
I talked about what I felt as much as possible. When I wasn't comfortable talking, or no one would listen I blogged.
I kept myself as busy as possible.
Read everything pregnancy related under the sun!
Be patient with yourself; take the time to feel everything you need to.
Be strong! He ran off being scared? Forget him! You can do this!
Avoid worrying about your ex. It's not worth it when it comes to the health of your child and your pregnancy.
Talk to your friends
Get involved in some fun activities or hobbies
Online support groups
Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathons
My mom (once we both decided to stop being stubborn)
Throwing my heart and soul into my job
Pickles
Focusing on the baby and how much I loved him
Increasing my spirituality
Relaxation tracks downloaded onto my iPod (This really helped me settle my brain at night so I could get some sleep.)
Ice cream. Lots of it.
Popcorn doesn't hurt either
Spending time with friends and loved ones
Surround yourself with people you love and who love you and do things that make you happy
I talked about what I felt as much as possible. When I wasn't comfortable talking, or no one would listen I blogged.
I kept myself as busy as possible.
Read everything pregnancy related under the sun!
Be patient with yourself; take the time to feel everything you need to.
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