A Realization

I had a realization today. I thought I'd share it here because a) you guys understand and b) maybe it will help somebody else who has been feeling the same way.

First, the background: my son's father left shortly after we found out i was pregnant and then quickly became engaged to his new girlfriend and moved in with her. I was beyond devastated. I cried myself to sleep for months. I would spend way too much time analyzing things from every angle wondering what I did wrong or what was so horrible about me that he would do such a thing.

And then today I realized that what happened was his choice, and is not a reflection of me at all. It doesn't reflect who I was then or who I am now, and should have no relevance to how I think of myself as a person.

And for what it's worth, it's not a reflection of who he is now, either. It is, however, a very clear reflection of who he was back then. We were talking recently, and he finally admitted that the reason he did that was because he was scared and overwhelmed and instead of manning up he took the easy way out. He hates himself for that. He has made a lot of changes recently, and I'm proud of him but he still has a long way to go before I can trust him again.

In conclusion, to those of us whose baby daddies are the very definition of deadbeat dad -- it is because they are cowards. It has nothing to do with you. We may not be perfect either, but we are trying our hardest and putting our life and souls into caring for our children.

Anonymous